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Machines have a way of developing unique problems.Photo: iStockphoto.com/bernardbodo
Following is a translation of phrases commonly used by mechanics when dealing with customers:
• “I can’t say anything bad about that machine.” Usually in response to a question from a customer about a machine the dealership is trying to sell to the customer. Customers often think that means there’s nothing wrong with the machine. That may be the case, but it also is simply a statement: As an employee of that dealership, the mechanic, “…can’t say (isn’t allowed to say) anything bad about that machine.”
• “I’ve never seen that problem before.” Usually spoken as the mechanic and customer stand looking at a pile of mangled metal over a spreading pool of hydraulic oil. Even though mechanics see a wide variety of mechanical maladies, machines have an amazing ability to find new ways to break down. Every time I think I’ve seen every possible way for a particular machine to break down — it surprises me and finds a new way to self-destruct.
• “That part subs (substitutes) to a new number.” The manufacturer has admitted that there’s a high failure rate with that part, and replaced it with a new, redesigned part. The customer will still pay full price for the new part and the labor to replace it, but hopefully the new part will be more durable.
• “That part subs to a new machine.” Translation: “The machine is so old, and needs so many new parts and repairs, that it would be cheaper to buy a new one and junk the old one.”
• “What were you doing when it broke down?” A valid diagnostic question that can help the mechanic pinpoint specific actions or operations that triggered the problem. Also, shorthand for, “What in the H*** were you DOING to that poor machine when it broke down?”
• “It’s got my 30/30 warranty on it.” Translation: “My repairs are guaranteed for 30 feet or 30 seconds, whichever comes first.”
— Dan Anderson
